Me: What kind of feedback do you want? General or nitpicky?
After much goading from me, John from work has given me the first three chapters of his "science-fantasy" novel. Though, I think he's going to stop calling it that since I mentioned there's no such genre.I've gotten about half way through chapter one and I'm starting to have some hesitation about returning it to him. I've written all over it. Really. I got a little carried away with trying to be helpful, so I've circled, underlined, and crossed-out like crazy. It looks like I hate it. I don't, I really don't. *Sigh* I'm going to have to do some serious prefacing before I hand it back to him, something along the lines of "Yeah, it's going to look like I'm the antichrist, but I just got carried away."
The jist: his story is interesting so far - a person from our world plopped into a fantasy realm premise, with a fun twist of the stranger having amnesia. The part that needs work is the storytelling. He has oodles of info-dumpy exposition, likes -ly adverbs (especially "quickly"), and explains just about every single line of dialogue in terms of "he asked with a puzzled expression on his face" stuff. Nothing that's irreparable, but plenty to be polished.